On the 28th of December 2017 I said goodbye to my teens and hello to my twenties, and if I’m honest, I’ve felt very mixed feelings about it. Although I’m more than happy to see the back of some of the hardest years, the next 10 years are the big unknown, the only part of life so far that have not been so set in stone. And to me, that is extremely daunting.
When I turned 13 (not that I can really remember) the future was predictable, I knew, apart from the huge influx of hormones and emotions, what the next 7 years had in store for me. I would be at school, make some friends, maybe loose a few along the way, do my GCSES, go to prom, then do my A-Levels (obviously do really, really well), go to parties, maybe get a boyfriend or two, then leave the small town I hated so much to go to university. Back at the start of my teens everything was so simple and easy, the future was so set in stone and now this next 10 years is the complete opposite. I don’t even know what I’ll be doing in a years time, let alone 5 or 10 and that’s the first time that’s ever happened in my whole life.
Jumper // Marks & Spencer *
Jeans // Topshop
Trainers // Converse
Baker boy hat // Topshop
Earrings // ASOS
Photography // Olivia Bush
Although there was a lot of comfort in my teens and my world being no more than what happened between 8:40am and 3pm inside of school, I wouldn’t say they’ve been everything I thought they would be or what society told me they would be. Instead of drinking, going out every weekend, rebelling, I became the complete opposite whilst pretending I was that girl at the same time on social media to keep up. What I thought were meant to be the best years of my life, the ones I was meant to look back on, were suddenly becoming the ones I wanted to skip past and forget due the anxiety. I longed so badly to live as the teenager I wanted to be and they girl I portrayed on Instagram but anxiety held me back and kept me saying ‘no’.
I guess that’s why I feel quite torn up about turning 20, that I will never get the ‘best years of my life’ back and although according to teenage norms I wasted these years, I didn’t drink and go on multiple nights out and do anything crazy rebellious, it would be wrong of me to just brand my teens as rubbish and look past all the brilliance that the last 7 years brought me. Accidentally, or maybe down to fate, a boy came into my life at just the right time and became the best friend and boyfriend I could have ever dreamed of. *Cringe* I made friends that brought me so much happiness, from those who I met in maths class to those who I know will be my best friends for life. I may not be entering my twenties with the same people I entered into my teens with but that doesn’t take away from the positive impact they have had on the last 7 years of my life. I also cannot forget all that I have achieved, from passing my exams, to getting accepted onto the first Women at Dior programme and getting my first grown-up job, to name a few.
Although the future is scary and I don’t know what the next 10 years have in store for me, I do of course have a few hopes and dreams. I hope that I will stop caring so much about what others (and my Instagram followers) think, I hope to find myself a career that makes me excited to get out of bed in the morning. I hope that anxiety will be a thing of the past and I can appreciate everything good around me and not just see the bad. I hope I will see more of the world, and I will have my own place that I can call home. I hope that my Pinterest boards will one day become a reality and I will own the coffee table I have been dreaming of since I was 16. (Honestly it’s beautiful!)
I started my first blog, High Street Spy, at the start of my teens when the blogging world was so much different and my dream was to become a writer and to somehow make something of my blog. And although I know full well that I am not destined for that, I hope I find myself and happiness in writing again. I feel like I’ve come full circle, writing again at the start of the next stage of my life and finding a little bit of comfort on my little corner of the internet.
Until next time,